Just being real...

I've always tried to be "real" with everyone.  I never want to be fake - "whatcha see is whatcha get".  Just because my family and I are on the mission field does not mean we are the perfect family.  We are far from it.  And today was my VERY grumpy day!

I could list a lot of reasons why I was grumpy: lack of sleep, still adjusting, "the devil made me do it", but I basically failed in being patient with others and myself.  I have been running so far so fast that I allowed myself to dwell on everything around me that I felt was wrong instead of focusing on the one and only thing that is right and perfect, my Heavenly Father. 

Everything here just seems extra hard for me right now - from trying to communicate, to paying the bills, grocery shopping, cooking, keeping things clean, washing clothes & dishes, wondering when the water will be turned off, or watching the little green light on our router to see if we will have the internet, etc.  I think it all hit me today and instead of immediately talking to God I just decided to be grumpy with everyone else.  To be even more real I will give some examples.  I've been waking up early (@ 5 or 6) to wash the clothes so I can get them on the line to dry before too many activities get in the way.  Well later this morning I asked the children to bring in any clothes that were dry.  They brought be a full basket of half dried clothes.  All I could think about was, "here is more work for me to do!"  So when I started to fuss and Jeremy said, "I thought they were dry too", he immediately got a handful of wet clothes thrown in his face.  Hmmm...not the best example of a loving wife.  Then at one point I think the whole city of Matagalpa heard me yell at one of my children when they talked back to me.  Hmmm...not the best example of a loving mother.

As I was wallowing in my grumpiness, I decided I was going to just send my mother and mother-in-law a long email expressing my anger.  I knew they would listen, not judge, and give me sympathy.  Guess what, the internet was not working!  For an hour I kept going to the computer to try and see if it was working.  The hour turned into almost the whole afternoon.  It took that long for me to realized God was quietly speaking to me.  He wanted me to share my frustrations with Him.  He wanted me to confess my sins, receive His forgiveness, and then be washed in His peace.  After that I was able to calm down and apologize to my family for my behavior.  It was all very humbling!

Yes, adjusting to a new country, culture, and language is hard and will probably get harder.  BUT I do not regret our decision to follow God's call to come to Nicaragua.  Will I, and the rest of the family, struggle with grumpy days and fail many times over this process?  Yes!  Thankfully, we serve a merciful God that loves us despite our failures.  Praise God for His forgiveness and patience!  All I lack He has in abundance. 

God pressed upon my heart to share my grumpy day and failures with you all.  I pray it can help someone with either comfort or a laugh!  Keep up the prayers.  As you can tell we need them!  :)